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How to BEAT Performance Anxiety

The Fear of performance anxiety
Nothing is as Debillitating as Performance Anxiety


Men are wonderful and remarkably strange beings in that sexual prowess and how to beat performance anxiety takes up vast chunks of their head space: How, where and when they get to perform? How long the performance will last? Will the partner be blown away by magical rhythm and immense skill? Then anxiety raises its head: Will I get hard enough? Will I stay hard long enough? Will I ejaculation too quickly? These types of thought patterns are the ones that cause anxiety.

But what exactly is anxiety?

The Oxford Dictionary defines anxiety as follows:

“Feeling of worry, nervousness or unease about something with an uncertain outcome”

Why would men be in a position to be uncertain of the outcome of a sexual encounter? Let us tiptoe softly through a most complex problem.

The Origins of Performance anxiety is a direct response to fear. Fear is caused by things unknown. Children are taught sex and sex organs are not to be discussed as when they first ask the question: “Where do I come from?” They are met with nervous laughter and deferment of an answer, giving the impression that this is a taboo subject. Why are parents ashamed or embarrassed to answer the question in a straight forward way? Could it be because they, themselves feel unsure of exactly what is going on? Teenagers find their answers on from friends or random internet searches, as modern society ensures accurate useful knowledge about sexual issues remain a mere virtual reality and a big secret.

That is precisely the how the roots of fear of the unknown take hold and it lasts over a life time of everyone simply avoiding the topic.


Even though the sex organ is the one that delivers lives and great orgasms it can also ruin marriages, relationships and make life a real misery – so it may be secret but it is the most powerful organ. Yet open discussion about sex, sex organs, sexuality, performance and stds are subjects that not to be talked about. Is one then surprised the mere thought about anything sexual, let alone lack of knowledge about sexual performance causes anxiety?

Hearts, Livers and Sex Organs

Take a few moments and think objectively about the organs of your body. Now isolate your sex organ in relation to your other organs. Your sex organ is almost wholly outside body in order to make penetration - thus pro-creation - possible, whereas your heart, liver and bladder are within your body.

A hammer blow to an egg to show erformance anxiety
The Crushing Hammer Blow of Performance Aniety.


Now think about appendages or things protruding from the torso of your body; arms with hands, legs with feet and men have (drum roll) penis and testicles.

What I am getting at here is think about your hands and feet: Would you be able to use your hand if you had your arm in plaster for 20 years? If you break your leg and have to spend even two months in a plaster cast your foot would swell up, become numb and be very difficult to use. In both cases the muscles of the arm a leg are not being used so the appendage does not work very well. The exact principle can be applied to your sex organ.


These days people can have heart, liver, kidney transplants and a minority of people will undergo gender transformation, but most of us will die with the same sex organs we were born with. Yet we persistently and consistently ignore our sex organs.

The majority of humans go about their lives and imagine their sex organs are simply there to perform certain functions and only really pay attention when things go wrong. When a man thinks he is not getting erect enough he takes tablets and voila end of problem. I am shocked to see the number pills available to prolong ejaculation – the side effects of these pills leads to men not being able to ejaculate at all – a very nasty and painful outcome. But overall people go merrily along never paying much attention to their most powerful asset and one that cannot be transplanted and should definitely not be ignored.


So – are you beginning to understand why performance anxiety is such a problem:

Believing sexuality, sex organs, performance, masturbation and really anything to do with sex is not be discussed – therefore an sense of fear prevails.

Ignoring the function and health of your sex organ leads to uncertainty of how it could be performing and realistically what your expectations should be – therefore a sense prevails.

According to the the phrase “cocke-sure” was mentioned in 1520 by Robert Wittington in his grammatical tract Vulgaria:

“I haue knowen a man or nowe that thought him selfe cocke sure of his intent.”

Chicken being cock sure
Cock Sure

It is thought the phrase refers to the sureness of the cock crowing in the morning or the sure way that a stop cock on a tap will stop the water.

However I far prefer a modern version with “cock” referring directly to a penis and urge men to take the time and effort to take action to become 100% cock sure as it is a certain cure for performance anxiety. Also remember: I think - therefore I am. Read ‘The Hamster Syndrome’ for on how your mind impacts your performance.


In order to break the catch 22 cycle of performance anxiety – the best defence is knowledge.


I am reading and hearing about people being “woke” and “mindful” and all manner of wonderful words to convey the idea of being AWARE. Strange as the concept may be – many men are Unaware of their sex organ and how it works. (Please read the posts: Anatomy, The Male Cycle of Arousal, The Biggest sex Organ: The Brain) These articles will begin to lay your foundations for how your sex organ actually works, remember Knowledge is Power.

Any project you can think of undertaking needs to be studied and planned to achieve maximum success. The amount of time and effort you put into any project determines the final outcome. Start applying due diligence to improving your stamina and sexual performance, then see the wonderful rewards you will reap.

Pay attention to your sex organ and you will have good use of it till you are a very old man. Sounds so basic – yet day after day – I come across men who ignore, I would go so far as to say neglect their sex organs. Men do not even have to experience some life changing event like a divorce for them to ignore their sex organ – they simply never become mindful of it. Never think about it – let alone nurture and take great care of it.


A few months ago I received a call from a man of 76. He told me he has a wife, a mistress and he still masturbates in between. He recons he IS soo “busy” because he KEEPS soo “busy!!” I have no words to express how right he is. Why would you imagine your sex organ would keep on working if you simply ignore it?

Once again think about your body in general. If you injured yourself and sat a wheel chair for six months – would you expect to compete in a marathon any time soon? No it would be the last thing on your mind. On the other hand; if your dream is running the Comrades Marathon, yet you sat in your lazy boy all year – do you imagine you would get a gold medal? No - the only thing you will get is a lemon for your gin and tonic. So why in the name of (insert the name of your favourite/personal saviour/god) would you expect great sexual performance if you never train your sex organ?

The plain simple reality that escapes great engineers, mechanics, most men, masters of maths and recently, even a Mensa candidate:



I often ponder on why the word masturbation is used? The word really has some diabolic connotations for natural behavior. Boys are threatened with blindness, insanity, hairy palms and other imaginary consequences of masturbation. A man told me a few weeks ago that he would never, ever, but never masturbate as his religion forbids it. So at 71, a lonely widower is too fearful and ashamed to masturbate – never mind that he is breaking the imperative rule of ejaculating a minimum of twice a week to keep his prostate functioning properly.

Once again – think about changing your perspective of masturbation. No longer think of the sight stealing act of masturbation to be done as quickly as possible in the shower – rather view it as time to train for sexual stamina and excellence.

Behavioural Training to Beat Performance Anxiety

I offer an hour lesson in behavioural training to overcome performance anxiety.

The lesson comprises:

30 minutes of detailed explanation of exactly how your sex organ works.

30 minutes instruction on how to train for achieving stamina and perfect confidence.

Fee: R700

Please contact me if you would like to make an appointment.

© Masseuse Ariana 2018

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