Updated: Oct 28
I scrolled through Google last week to see what it the matter with masturbation? I found many horror stories and thought what a crock it all is
Here - for your entertainment are the 10 worst consequences of masturbation that I could find while Rolling On The Floor Laughing....
TEN MYTHS ABOUT MASTURBATION:
1. Masturbation makes you blind.
2. Jacking off causes your hair to fall out and you will go bald.
3. Hair will suddenly sprout on your palms if you masturbate.
4. Masturbating causes impotence.
5. You will become a moron with an IQ of 16 if you wank.
6. Masturbation can make you incontinent.
7. Wanking saps your energy and you can become exhausted.
8. Masturbating kills sperm.
9. Jacking off destroys your pelvic floor muscles.
(the least of your worries after all these other terrible things that have happened )
– but not to be forgotten:
10. Wanking gives you backache!
"Don’t knock masturbation, it is sex with someone I love.” Woody Allen
Masturbation is a fact of life. But like most things sexual; nobody talks about it.
recently had two memorable telephone conversations. The first man was a client, who thought it was a good idea to call me and tell me how horny he was feeling, I said then I would suggest that he takes himself in hand. Well – did I get an earful; he was totally shocked, horrified and disgusted that I could even say such a thing? He has he never masturbated and he will not ever masturbate! The next call was from a 76 year old man in the Northern region of South Africa who called to tell me that he can easily still have sex up to three times a day. I said wow – how does he manage to have such a massive sex drive at his age and said straight out that he masturbates at least three times a week.
IN ONE HAND OR THE OTHER
The two opposite sides; the man who refuses to masturbate and the other a habitual wanker. I have also come across a poor fellow who I nick named ‘Master Masturbater’ as he was jacking off seven times a day – so clearly had a problem. In every activity there are people who are normal and then there are the addicts: Gambling, drinking, eating smoking and dare I say runners, gym bunnies, anglers and even golfers who sneak away weekend after weekend to escape the misery of the lives they have created for themselves. Masturbation is no different – I am by no means advocating that men masturbate them self into a state of mental morbidity. But rather use masturbation as a training exercise.
THE BEGINNING OF A LIFE LONG HABIT
When boys reach the age of puberty and testosterone starts impacting on their bodies, they start growing facial and pubic hair, they may get pimples and best of all they start growing sexually and experimenting with sex and masturbation. Any parent who thinks their son is not going through this phase quite frankly does not deserve the honor of being a parent – but that is another story. Boys mostly feel guilty by the new wonder of what their sex organ can do summed up perfectly by Chuck Palahniuk, (Choke) who said"
“The first time I jacked off, I thought I’d invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought: This is going to make me rich.”*
The guilt and fear of being caught in the act makes them masturbate as fast as they can – thus starting a pattern of acquired and habitual premature ejaculation. I beseech parents to please leave your sons alone when they stay in the bathroom for ages. You know what they are up to and leave them be – it takes time to explore and discover what this magic organ can do and by chasing them up you are causing, haste that will follow them for many years.
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
The school system and parents do not teach teenage boys how their sex organs work. So men go through their lives understanding little about their precious cock and balls. Masturbation is a perfect way to train your sex organ. Men spend ages training for all sorts of things. They go to gym, run, play sport to train their bodies – but they spend no time training their sex organ. Any part of your body that do not train will never work to the maximum. Say for example you put your arm in a cast for five years, do you think your hand is going to work properly? No it will not, yet a man can go through his entire life and never train his cock and balls then wonder why it does not work when he hits middle age.
In order for the prostate to work efficiently it essential for a man to ejaculate a minimum of twice a week. Be it by having sex or masturbation, makes no difference as long as he ejaculates. Of the two callers I was referring to at the beginning of this post the man who was outraged by the idea of masturbation lives alone and is not ejaculating at all, I suspect in the near future he will find himself a the urologist for problems with his sex organ as the old adage use it or lose it applies. The other man, even at an advanced age still had a sex organ working at peak performance and the only real difference was their attitude to masturbation
SLOWING IT DOWN
Masturbation is perfect way of teaching yourself ejaculation control. I do not mean slowing down the stimulation then speeding up again. I mean stimulating to the point of ejaculation then using the three techniques for blocking ejaculation:
SO - TO MASTURBATE OR NOT TO MASTURBATE?
In conclusion, please think carefully before you decide not to masturbate. On that subject I had a man telling me he read ‘somewhere’ that by denying himself ejaculation he would be stronger in business as he would have more control over his actions. It is absolute hogwash, perhaps his level of frustration would cause him to be an aggressive ass, but not masturbating will not give you a NO special powers under any circumstances, except perhaps special prostate problems. Masturbating releases endorphins, is a wonderful stress reliever and once you start thinking about masturbation as training to become a sexual athlete it is an easy decision: Rather masturbate than not.
© Ariana Robson 2018
* Quotation taken from vice.com